01 December 2010

The loss of my soulmate...


On November 22nd 2010 my life altered in the most profound way and I never saw it coming. For those who know me, know how much Henry and I shared together; the love, the difficulties, the mundane and the extraordinary. I found out what an absolute rare gift it is to be so loved by one man, to be the center of his life, his heart and though he wasn't perfect we fitted together at the heart and soul.

When his boss picked me up with the news Henry got unwell at work I instantly knew it was his heart since his father died at 49 of a heart attack. I think during that car trip I just about made every deal with God. Let him be alive, let me be able to care for him, let him be safe and sound, let us have a chance to fight or heal from whatever got him to the ER of the hospital! To arrive and be escorted to a family room to receive the devastating blow my husband died is something I still need to recover from. There was no sign Henry had a weak or damaged heart, he didn't have an unhealthy life style, he was just taken away from me and those near to him in one flash.

As a reader of romance novels the term soul mate is often used and though I knew so very early on in our relationship I had something special the love became something I got used to. Only now, after he died, I found out how much entwined we both were...how special and treasured the bond we have was. I have got no clue how to live on without him, how to deal with the loss of his everyday hugs. I even miss our arguments, those Mars/Venus moments and I even miss him rattling on about every rock band known to man kind. I miss him in the ordinary and extraordinary ways....

From the moment I heard the news about his death many have shared memories or pictures of him with me. I would've been lost without my family and my sister, Natascha, who has been my rock these past days, even though she had to deal with the loss too. Pearl and Marissa who were there lending me there strength and sharing in the pain. Janna, your messages are treasured! I want to thank each and all who has reached out through e-mail or via the ROOB blog announcement with their heartfelt comments! Each one has been appreciated in this time of loss.

As you all can imagine I need time to deal with the loss and the void Henry has left behind. I'm a widow at the age of 34...not something I aspired but something I need to accept in my own time. In the coming months my blog will not be as active as it was these last few years, perhaps it never will be but as one famous man once said; "I'll be back!" My passion for books hasn't died, it just can't be my no.1 priority right now. So for those who has send me their book for review, it will come, just not any time soon.

I hope everyone else had a wonderful thanksgiving or is preparing for the coming holidays! If you have a soulmate of your own, hug him, tell him how much you love having him in your life and I know it's difficult in everyday life but take time to romance one another. The first thing I told Henry when I saw his body was that I wanted to love him in life for another 50 years and I hate it that this is taken away from me, that Henry is taken away from me!

We can always find romance in books but it is the romance in real life that is a rare treasure to enjoy!

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109 comments:

  1. Oh Leontine - My heart is breaking for you. There really and truly are no words of comfort to offer. Know that you're in my prayers and thoughts. I hope that the love of your family and friends and the memories of Henry will sustain you through this incredibly difficult time.

    {{{HUGS}}}

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  2. I am so very sorry for your loss. I cried when I read this post.

    BIG hugs....

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  3. Oh, Leontine! I am crying while reading this post. I am so, so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have wonderful support from your family and friends, which is incredibly important right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss! There are no words to express.

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  5. Leontine,

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    M

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  6. I am so very sorry. My thoughts are with you...

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  7. There are no words to experess how sorry I am. My thoughts are with you

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  8. Leontine, you know my heart, thoughts and prayers are all yours my sister of a thousand miles. I will come here and say that I understand your loss. But I will come here and tell you that I will be here for you - in whatever you feel you need. I wish I had the money to come and visit you and be with you in your time of need. But my heart and soul are there with you and you know where to find me honey. Even if it is to just sit here with you... Hugs and love my dear friend.

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  9. Oh, Leontine. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

    *BIG HUG*

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  10. Leontine, I am sobbing as I read this post. I am so, so sorry about the loss of your husband. Just know that people around the world are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers, as I am. ((big hugs))

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  11. Oh Leontine, I am so sorry for your loss! I cry for you and your grief and for what you have lost. Losing your husband so young, I cannot imagine what you must feel right now. Take all the time you need, and let your friends and family be there for you! You'll be in my thoughts! Hugs

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  12. Leotine, I am so sorry fo your loss. There are no words that can describe what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  13. My heart and thoughts go out to you Leontine. You have written a very touching post here. One that has left me in tears and thinking about how quickly life can change. My prayers are with you and those you are close to. *HUGS*

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  14. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  15. Oh Leontine I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you *kisses*

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  16. So extremly sorry for your loss. *big hugs*

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  17. Oh hon, I'm so terribly sorry. I wish I had the right words at this time of grief and am keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

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  18. I don't know what to say. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I have been thinking about you since I first heard about your husband. I wish I could reach thru my computer screen and give you a great big hug. My heart goes out to you.

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  19. What a beautiful post, Leontine. You brought me to tears. I have thought of you so much since hearing the news and you continue to be in my prayers through the holiday season.

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  20. It just broke my heart hearing about your loss. I am truly sorry Leontine.
    *hugs*

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  21. I know there is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it better for you. But I am so sorry for your loss and your post was so beautifully written that I just want to reach through the computer screen and give you a hug. My thoughts and prayers are with you

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  22. I'm so sorry for your loss Leontine. My thoughts and prayers are with you during such a difficult time.

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  23. Beautiful post. I am deeply sorry for your loss, Leontine. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  24. Geezus, I can't stop crying for your loss and I am so very sorry.

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  25. My heart breaks for you. I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your pain but there are no right words for this. Please just know you are in my heart and prayers.

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  26. Leontine. I have no words. Just know that you are in our thoughts and our hearts.

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  27. Dear Leontine, this post from your heart just makes my cry. I am so sorry you have lost your soulmate. Hugs to you and the rest of the posse. If there is anything, just let me know.

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  28. Wow.
    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you know you will always have a shoulder to cry on with your followers and your book blogger friends.

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  29. Thinking of you in this difficult time and sending warm thoughts and hugs to you and your family... I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  30. I'm so sorry for your loss :(

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  31. I can't begin to express how sorry I am for your loss. As you learn to manage your new life, know that there os an entire community out here waiting to support you when you feel ready. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  32. There are just no words. I'm sorry for your loss. Reading that hurts my heart, that was a beautiful post. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. ((Hugs))

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  33. Leontine, my heart hurts for your loss. Major hugs from me.

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  34. My condolences to you and your loved ones. *Hugs*

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  35. I am so, so sorry this has happened. I can't imagine what you are going through. Lean on your family and friends...for as long as it takes. What you wrote is really beautiful. *HUGS*

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  36. Leontine,my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your loss.You are in my thoughts,hugs honey.

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  37. Leontine. My heart is broken for you. Please accept my heart felt condolences and the prayers of strength I'll be sending your way.

    Much love,
    Ashley

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  38. Leontine, my heart is absolutely breaking for you. I wish I knew some magic words that would ease the ache and leave your with the joyful memories. Take care of yourself, and we'll see you back when you're ready.

    Much love,
    Lisa

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  39. I cannot imagine what you must be going through, my sincere condolences x x

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  40. Leontine, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you a huge hug and praying that you find the strength to get through this.

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  41. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what I would do without my husband. Let me know if you need anything at all during this time girl. We haven't chatted online in a long time, but I am still here for you!

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  42. Dear Leontine, I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. You are a brave & truly beautiful person. I am thinking of you and sending you love and prayers. I am very glad you have family & friends to help get you through. Whatever you need, just ask.

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  43. I'm so sorry, Leontine. I wish you strength and memories that you can hold with joy.

    Julie

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  44. Leontine, I'm so sorry for your loss.
    I know that there are no words to make the situation less horrible so I want to send you white light and hugs. Take care.

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  45. I'm so unbelievably sorry to hear about your loss, Leontine. My heart truly aches for you and what you must be going through. I know there will never be words or actions that will make the pain any less right now, but know that you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. If ever you need anything, please just reach out.

    Lots of Love and Hugs,
    Tanya

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  46. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know that nothing I can say will take away the pain, but if you need anything don't hesitate to let me know. *HUGS*

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  47. So sorry for your loss, Leontine.

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  48. My condolences, Leontine. I can't imagine the pain and loss you are feeling, and pray that you allow your loved ones, friends and online community to help you in whatever way you need assistance. *Hug*

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  49. I am sooo sorry for your loss Loentine! I can't imagine getting a worst news than that. I do hope your heart heals with time, and we'll be here for you if you need anything. <3 Hugs

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  50. Oh my Leontine. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts & prayers are with you. He was so young. I hope your wonderful memories carry you through the next few days & weeks to come. You wrote a wonderful tribute.

    We'll be here whenever you're ready.

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  51. Leontine, words cannot express my heartfelt sorrow for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  52. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  53. Leontine, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. You and your family have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  54. My heart is breaking for you. I cannot even imagine the pain of losing your soulmate. I am however, so grateful for the time you did have together. You are right, having that is a gift to treasure.

    Eliza *hugs*

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  55. Dear Leontine,
    I am so sorry for your abrupt loss. I cannot even begin to image the loss of one's soulmate. I would be devasted to lose such. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  56. Dear Leontine:

    I want to express my deepest and dearest sympathies for your loss. I can't even imagine the depths of your pain. I pray that you will continue to find some comfort in your family and friends, and know that your "online friends" will be here for you as well.

    You have my love and prayers. -Jen

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  57. I'm so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.

    *hugs*

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  58. Oh Leo, I am so very sorry for your loss! You're in my thoughts and prayers!

    *Huge Hug*

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  59. Oh, Leontime, that's devastating. Things can happen so unexpectedly there's never enough time to prepare. Stay strong. He'll be with you from above.

    Big hugs.

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  60. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I'm glad you have the support of your family and friends. I have no words that will comfort you but you'll be in my thoughts *hugs*

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  61. Oh honey I am so so sorry for your loss. I just learned what happened yesterday or I would have emailed or commented long before then! I can't even imagine what your are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers dear! I am so glad that your family and friends are there for you. Trust in God and lean on him through this time he loves you and will help you through this. And you will see Henry again! He will always be with you as well in your heart and by your side. God bless you dear and if there is anything at all I can do for you please let me know. BIG HUGS!

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  62. ((hugs)) I'm terribly sorry for your loss. This post was incredibly hard to read. I can't even imagine what you're going through.

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  63. I have followed your blog for reviews and I don't know that we have ever even exchanged words here. But I am crushed by this news and can only imagine how this kind of news would feel. I am so so sorry that this has happened. My thoughts are with you.

    ~smooches~
    Jase

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  64. Leontine my heart aches for your loss. Please know my thoughts are with you during this time in your life. {{big hug}}

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  65. Leontine...I am so sorry about your loss. Your blog post is beautiful. It moved me to tears.

    Take good care of yourself in the coming months. I'll look forward to interacting with you online again, whenever you feel ready.

    Big cyber hugs.

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  66. Dear Leontine, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your post was beautiful and moving. Please know that if you ever need to talk, I'm here. Hugs...

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  67. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. Your post was beautiful.

    {{hugs}}

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  68. I am so sorry to hear of your loss Leontine.

    I am crying with you and will be upholding you and your family in my thoughts over the coming days and weeks.

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  69. You are so right. I have many days where my husband drives me nuts, but I love him and need to let him know more. I am so sorry for your loss friend. My heart broke while reading your story. We are all here for you and will be waiting for you when you return. We love you! *hugs*

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  70. Oh, Leontine, I'm so sorry.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

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  71. Leontine, I just wanted to say a again how sorry I am for your loss. It's just heartbreaking.

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  72. Leontine, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this blog with us during this difficult time for you and your family. Please know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

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  73. Leontine, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm keeping you and your family in prayer.

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  74. My deepest condolences. What a beautiful post. I'm also 34 and can't imagine being a widow. Thank you for the reminder to hug loved ones close.

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  75. Leontine, I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  76. Dear Leontine, thinking of you. Take care of yourself. (((hugs))), Allison

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  77. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Hold your memories dear and know you'll see him again.

    Take care of yourself and know you're being thought of by dozens of people all over the world.

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  78. Leontine, you remain in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  79. Leontine, I so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  80. Honey I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have been in my thoughts since I heard what happened. ((hugs))

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  81. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Your tribute is very moving and touched my heart. Thank you for the gentle reminder to cherish those you love.

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  82. Oh, Leontine, please know that you're in my thoughts. I was so moved by this post. I wish you well in dealing with the days ahead.

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  83. Leontine, I'm so very very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

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  84. Hi, I'm a new follower so I just saw this and I cried. I am so sorry for you loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

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  85. Leontine,

    There's really nothing that I can say except for I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine all that you are going through right now. Just know that all of our thoughts are with you...and when ever you are ready (if ever) to blog again we will welcome you with open arms. Take care of you!

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  86. Oh sweetheart my heart goes out to you. I will lend my ear and shoulder or anything you need to you, just call.

    Rayna

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  87. My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry.

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  88. Leontine, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your words here tell us just how great a love you shared and it also shows the depth of your pain. You are in my prayers. Lean into your family as they help walk you get through these days.God Bless.
    Carol L.
    Lucky4750@aol.com

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  89. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Leontine. I am so grateful you have a supportive group surrounding you and holding you close.

    Be well
    Amanda McIntyre
    amanda@amandamcintyre.net

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  90. Leontine,

    I can't express how sorry I am to hear what happened. I'm sending my thoughts and love out to you.

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  91. Leontine, dear God.. I was coming by to check on you and I am blown away. I am so desperately sorry for your loss. If you need anything, talk, cry, - anything, I'm here! I am praying for you, sending you peace and comfort.

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  92. Words can not do justice to the feelings of love and support that is headed your way. Just know I am hugging you in my heart.

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  93. I was so sad to hear the news, and this post made me tear up. You are in my thoughts and blessings.

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  94. Leontine I'm so sorry for your loss you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  95. I LOST MY SISTER mAY 29,2009, SHE WAS 35 YEARS OLD, AND KILLED IN A CAR CRASH. uNEXPECTED DEATHS ARE THE HARDEST TO TAKE. I HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE MARRIED TO MY SOULMATE FOR 28 YEARS, I WON'T BEGIN TO SAY I CAN EVEN IMAGINE YOUR PAIN. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU, AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU, KEEP YOUR FAMILY CLOSE, THAT IS THE BEST BALM FOR YOUR SADNESS.

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  96. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  97. I'm sorry I'm late to comment. . . Leontine, I am so very sorry for your loss. Life seems so unfair sometimes. You're one of the most darling people I've come across on the internet and my heart broke to hear this. I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks and I've been thinking of you since I heard of your loss on another blog :(

    My father passed away suddenly when he was quite young from a heart attack and the shock of a loss like that is probably one of the most difficult things in the world. Please know there are people all over the world thinking of you and sending you good thoughts and prayers.

    (((Hugs)))

    Kele

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  98. *hugs* I am so sorry to hear of this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  99. So sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through right now. I can tell you truthfully that things will get better.
    I lost my husband to cancer on Nov. 23rd 2001(the day after Thanksgiving that year), after 12 years together. I was suddenly a widow at 34 with two daughters(age 11 and 15)and a step-son(14 yr old)who decided he wanted nothing to do with me(I think he blamed me for his dad's death, though he never said so).
    We had known almost from the start that the cancer wasn't going away, but he was doing okay til the Monday evening. New meds seemed to help, but then he just never woke up Friday morning.

    You just take whatever time you need to help yourself and don't worry about us(the blog followers). We'll still be here when you are ready to post again.

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  100. Leotine I am so, so sorry about your loss. :(
    I am sending the biggest and hugest hug to you and my thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

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  101. Leontine, I stopped by your blog as a new goodreads friend only to read your devastating news. I can only imagine how difficult times have been lately. I hope you can find support in friends and family and escape in books.

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  102. Leontine: You have received so many posts and I am so glad that you have this support. I know that you will need all of us in the months to come. There can't be anything more devastating than losing the one person that made your life so complete. But you will find that there will come a day when your memories will be just as precious, your heart will resound with love for Henry just as always, and you will continue to miss him. But the awful sense of painful emptiness will not be so bad. Know that we will all be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers, and we will visit with you whenever you feel you want to come online. I hope you will feel all the love that is coming your way.

    Many blessings . . . Dr. J

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  103. I am so sorry for your loss... I wish you all the strength and courage to deal with this.

    Another big hug,
    Celine

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  104. my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time!
    {{{{ hugs }}}}

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  105. How awful for you Leontine. I know that nothing I can say will make things any better but please know my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

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  106. I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and I've been thinking about you since I heard the news. ((hugs)) If there is anything I can do for you, let me know!

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  107. HOW I ALMOST LOST MY EX FOR ANOTHER WOMAN

    My name is Vanell from USA.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i met a man called DR SAMURA. He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i am now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address:SAMURATELLERSPELL100@YAHOO.COM OR CALL HIM +2348103508204.
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I love to hear all your voices and opinions so thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.